It's Wednesday afternoon, and my yawns are right on top of each other. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm at my new job that I'm totally stoked about, I should shooting around the room with fireworks emitting from my ass. And it wasn't that I was tired, I just couldn't stop yawning.

I told the girl I was training with I was going to run for a chocolaty treat. Maybe escaping the cube will work out whatever is screwing with my biochemistry. I'm passing thru all the god forsaken security to get to the vending machine. (My building being something like Fort Knox.) My brain is on overdrive trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Yawning that much, there must be something wrong. I'm not tired. I'm not bored. God, what if it's my ADD? What if my brain is looking for distraction.. hence me walking to get chocolate. Bah! I'm not going to let this happen! My ADD was a major problem for me in my last job.. I'm determined this won't happen again here... as I drop quarters in the machine.

I spot the M&M's ... oh yeah baby.. come to momma. I punch D5, and watch as the little coil dispenses my chocolate savior....the coil stops spinning, and my M&M's are left hanging in limbo. Are you fucking serious?!?! I pat my pockets for more change.. nothing.. and I'm sure the hell not walking back thru three security check points to get more.. and this damn machine is not going to stand in my way of chocolate!

Grabbing the top the the machine, I use all my newly defined muscles (going to the gym is really paying off) to shake the machine. Artfully crafted strings of profanities slipping from my lips. *Shake*.. *bang*..motherfucker...

"Ma'am did you know that breaking and entering is illegal in all 50 states?"

I glance over my shoulder, and there stands a security guard looking at my like I should be locked away in a mental prison... (perhaps he's not wrong.)

"It took my money." I said, still rattling the machine.

"That's what they are supposed to do." says the guard.

Ohhh buddy ol' pal.. aren't you just a wise ass, right now is NOT the time to fuck with me. "Yeah, but it didn't give me.. " grunting and resorting to hip checking the machine..."my M&M's."

"Ma'am I'm gonna have to ask you stop assaulting the machine."

I look at him unbelievably,  "Seriously?!? All I want are my M&freakingM's.. not to mention.. The M&freakingM's that I PAID FOR!"

He holds his hands out in front of him, in what I'm assuming is a soothing gesture, the one that says calm-the-fuck-down. "Whoa calm down ma'am. Let's not escalate the violence of this incident."

I decide i was never one for "authority" and  go back to my "violent" act against the machine. Then I hear the distinctive sound of two way radio static. "I've got a hostile employee in the south corridor.. requesting back up."

Let's recap. I'm standing in a hallway. A hallway at my brand new, high security job. I'm pissed right the fuck off because my M&M's are stuck. Oh, and lets not forget the security guard who just "requested back up" because I'm "hostile".

Rage is just bubbling in my system. Doesn't this crack pot know that you should never.. never ever.. in any circumstance stand between a woman and her chocolate? At this point, I'm thinking I have one of two options. 1. I take this guy out. He's a balding, middle aged, rent-a-cop. Oh yeah, I could definitely beat him unconscious, then use his body as a battering ram to free my M&M's. 2. I could egg him.

Seeing as I didn't have any eggs readily available and my quest for chocolate was too significant, option 1 was my only option. He was a little guy, small bones, beer belly, and a nightstick. I didn't care much about his weapon, I was looking to incapacitate him. Oh yeah, you lil pip squeak, you done fucked with me at the wrong time. I started setting my body up to deliver a round house kick that Chuck Norris would be proud of when a laughter floats from behind me.

And this is were my talent as a writer goes completely down the drain. I would love to spin you some action packed story about how I ninja'ed him into submission, and dragged his body into a dark closet, then I had to mission impossible it back to my cube... but my story is not that entertaining...

Turns out the guards saw me having a hissy all over the candy machine.. and decided to have a little fun. While I'm dying to see the recorded security footage, I was pissed right the fuck off at the time..

Never-ever come between me chocolate, and orgasms.